Life with a broken mind
by Green-eyed rusher
Summary: Logan is a schizophrenia patient at Palmwoods mental facility. He has been there for about 3 years. He has imagined an entire family and life, now he is trying to figure out which one is his real family. A/U
1. Chapter 1

A/N this is my first btr fic. All reviews are welcomed. I really want to improve my writing. I did this on my ipad so it might be off. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: as much as i wish i did i dont own big time rush...

* * *

Life with a broken mind

Chapter 1

James walked into Logan's room and saw him staring out of his window "Logan? How are you today?" James asked calmly. "Hi James" Logan said looking away from the

towards the young man who took care of him. "Have you heard anything?" He asked hopefully. James knew that look all to well. It pained him every time because the answer was always the same. "I'm so sorry Logan but Camille hasn't called for you". Unable to look at his broken expression he looked at logan's wall of photos. There wasn't many but they did help him. Logan's favorite was of his beautiful wife Camille and his 2 year old twins, Lora and Matthew. They were adorable, both with big brown eyes , hair to match and pale white skin. They had so much of them both. That photo was almost 3 years ago. "Figures, I wouldn't call me either" he sighed turning back to the window. "I'm leaving your tray here?" James said, setting the small tray on the nightstand. "I'll be back later. Ok?" Logan nodded and James left.

He walked down the hall to check someone else when he saw Kendall coming down. His green eyes were filled with happiness but quickly changed to concern as he saw James' worried demeanor. "hey James. What going on?" "oh nothing really... I just saw Logan..." he trailed off. "how is he?" Kendall asked knowing how James cared for logan " ok.. I guess.. He was asking about Camille again. I can't believe she won't see him, or let the kids see him, not even call him. I think he really misses them." "Of course he does. I suppose it's better then him talking about... The other one?" Kendall said patting his friend's back trying to calm him down." I just feel so bad he's 26, our age, and he is in a mental hospital." James sighed. " yea i understand. Come on and help me with Jo. She's in her depressed phase." James just nodded as they walked down the hall.

Logan sat on his chair by the window, watching the sunset thinking. ' how did I end up like this? Why? is the better question. I wish Camille would let me see the kids they are probably so big, going to school, playing with friends, learning to ride their little bikes. They probably don't even know I exist.' "man I feel so alone. When did everything go wrong" he said out loud "I WOULD SAY AROUND THE TIME WHEN YOU WOULD SNEAK OUT TO SEE YOUR 'OTHER' FAMILY" Logan heard from the other side of the room. He turned and saw the preteen girl with long brown hair and dark brown eyes who smartly replied to him. "Katie, sweet heart I've told you I didn't sneak out." he said. "now come here and give me a hug." smiled holding out his arms and she walked into them with the biggest smile. " I miss you" she mumbled into his chest. Kissing her forehead he whispered "I miss you too" letting go he saw the tray James had left him. "shouldn't you take that?" his adoptive daughter asked pointing to Logan's medications. "yea... I'll take them right now." she nodded heading towards the small bookcase in his room. 'should I ? what if Katie isn't real and I lose her. Guess I'll find out.' with that he took the pills and water.

Turning around quickly to find Katie still there. He had a sigh of relief as he walked up to her." so you are here alone?" Katie found an interesting spot on the floor. "umm... Yea.." this didn't go unnoticed by Logan. "Katie, what's wrong?" "they wanted to come!"she blurted out quickly "but Dak started again." she said the last part in almost a whisper. Logan wasn't surprised Katie's older brother always made trouble. Lately it was more about Logan. He just nodded. "So how are you? How is everyone?" they walked over to the bed and sat down as Katie started. " we'll I got a B on my science test and an A on my math quiz." she defiantly got her smarts from Logan. She was top of her class and loved everything about school. She was beyond her years when came to persuasion. She could make you sell her your pants then have you buy them back for twice as much. "and I have a softball game tomorrow and girls hockey game on Sunday." she loved sports to especially hockey. That wasn't from Logan. "that's great! I am very proud of you." she blushed "thanks" " what else?" Logan asked " well Jennifer got promoted" jennifer was Katie and dak's bio logical mom. Logan had adopted them 6 years before he came here and a year before the twins were born, katie was 7 and Dak was 9. He loved everyday of it. Jen was helping out while Logan was 'getting better'. "dak's baseball team won the championship and he got that job at the skate shop." Logan smiled and nodded as Katie caught him up on there lives.

Then she looked at her feet. " umm... That's it." "whatever it is you can tell me" Logan said knowing what was coming. She took a deep breath. " and papi got a new phone and changed his number." hearing this hurt Logan more then it should have . it had felt as if someone took a knife to his chest as his mind flooded with reasons as to why this sudden change ' why did Carlos do that? does he not want to talk to me or maybe he met someone new?' "ohh... Well that's good... What was Dak going on about today?"he quickly changed the subject " oh he said that... He doesn't want to see you.. He thinks you abandoned us." her voice becoming low. Tears rimmed her eyes. " hey" Logan said putting his arms around her. " I didn't abandon you guys. I'm just getting better. remember I'm sick." she looked at him " Dak says you think we don't exist, that we're just in you head, that we're a lie." "oh honey... I love you and Dak and papi... And I always will. Ok?" she nodded then got up wiping her tears." I better go before it gets dark. Gotta get my sleep for my games , wish me luck." she hugged him " i love you dad" Logan smiled " I love you too, and kick some behind ok... Remember head up..." " and stick on the ice" Katie finished smiling brightly. "yea" with one last hug Katie left.

Twenty minutes later James came back and Logan was laying on the bed smiling. "hey! You look better." he said walking over to check the tray making sure Logan took his medication. "why didn't you tell me?" Logan said sitting up "tell you what?" James asked truly confused. "that Katie was coming. I missed her so much. " Realization hitting James "um... Logan did you take your medication?" he asked carefully " of course.. Why?" " Ok then who is Katie again?" " my daughter" Logan said as if it were obvious to the world. " Logan Katie isn't real. That family isn't real. Your only family is Camille and the twins." "what?! No! Camille isn't real, she never comes or calls. Carlos and Katie and Dak are real they love me!" Logan began to yell getting off his bed in anger. The short young man walking up to the much taller brunette looking ready to attack. "Logan, calm down before it gets out of hand." " I will not calm down coming here telling me my family isn't real. You know what go to hell!" "Logan look at the wall everything on the wall is real. Is Carlos on the wall?"james said in attempt to calm the screaming man."no.." "who is there?" "camille... No! What did you do?" Logan turned and pointed at the tall man. "what?" "what did you do with Carlos' pictures?" "nothing Logan. The pictures never existed because they are not real." Soon Kendall was in the room with them hearing the yelling outside. " calm down Logan!" he yelled as a last warning. "WHERE ARE CARLOS' PICTURES?!" "they aren't real. Now one last time calm down" Before Logan even responded to the comment there was a pinch in his arm and his body went numb. All he felt was a pair of arms catch him as he fell. His eyes closed as the darkness enveloped him.

A/N so there it is. Hope you like like it and please review.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N First I will like to thank _The Phantom Mockingjay_ for reviewing. Im gonna try to put my chapters up fast. I already had this one typed so figured i should put it up.

Disclaimer: still dont own BTR... Still wish i did...

* * *

Chapter 2

A bright light invaded his eyes as Logan awoke. He quickly shut them again.

_'what happen? Where am I?'_ Logan thought as he slowly opened his eyes again. He was staring at the ceiling light of his room."ugghh" Logan sighed loudly in frustration. Trying to raise himself from his bed he realized that he was restrained to the bed.

"great! I must have sundowned again." Logan slammed his head back into the bed. "yep." he heard someone say popping their P. Logan looked over to see James in the doorway with a smirk on his lips and a tray in his hand. "You woke up just in time, we were just allowed to release your restrains."

James set down the tray and loosened the straps on Logan's arms. "I told them not to restrain you but they said it was just in till morning. The minute the sun went down you just snapped." James said chuckling. "was I that bad?" Logan said while covering his face from the embarrassment. "for a second I thought you where going to hit me" James started to laugh. "sooo funny" Logan rolled his eyes. He sat up and James sat next to him holding the small cup of medications and a glass of water. "what happened man? You've been doing so well."

Logan shook his head as the memories began to come back. "I remember after you came I watched the sun go down, I was thinking about Camille." he bowed his headand stared at his hands."I was feeling so alone... Then..." Logan paused while he tried to collect his thoughts from the previous day.

"Then Katie came. I hadn't seen her for so long. I really wanted her to be real. We had talked about Dak, Jen, school, Carlos..." he whispered. "why can't they be real? Why can't find a family like the one I invented in my head?" Logan began to cry. "it's going to be fine. Ok? When you get out of here you will find someone." James said wrapping Logan in a big hug. "the worst part is that she asked me if I thought she wasn't real. If she was i lie? I told her that I loved her and I do with all my heart. How is it possible to love a family that was never really there?" Logan cried into James' chest.

"Logan they were there, just not physically. All though I shouldn't be saying this, Katie came because you were lonely, you wanted to be loved and they were there for you. Camille obviously doesn't love you or she would have came too. You need to focus on getting better so you can find a 'physically' existing family." James laughed and Logan chuckled punching James' arm. "come on time for breakfast. Oh, You're paired up with Lucy." Logan nodded.

After James left Logan got up, took his toothbrush, a washcloth and his ID badge and went down the hall to the male floor bathroom. Every floor had a two bathrooms for girls and guys with individual showers. Everything in the facility needed ID. All the IDs had barcodes on them that opened certain doors and alerted the floor's station if someone is somewhere they are not suppose to be. Orderlies, nurses and doctors can open all doors. Patients must scan in to go to bathrooms, the cafeteria, elevators and the library.

If you are prone to self-harm an alert is sent to the station when you're going to the bathroom and an orderly checks you when you come out for any cuts or burns. If you have an eating disorder you need to wait for what they call an 'eating buddy', which is a pre-picked patient that sits with you during all meals of the day and makes sure you eat all the food given if not neither can leave. Eat disorders also must be accompanied by an orderly for the bathroom. Logan went and washed up and then went to the cafeteria where Lucy was waiting for him outside.

"hey Lucy. Sorry for the wait." "it's ok Logan. Let's just get this over with." Logan chuckled and they scanned in and went on line. Lucy was the ultimate rocker. She played guitar and violin like a professional. She was slightly shorter then logan with red streaks in her hair. She came a year ago. She is really nice and a great friend, but her anorexia was so bad that she looked as if her guitar could crush her.

Lucy put her ID through a credit card type machine and her picture popped up. "Lucy Stone" the women said handing Lucy her breakfast. "your eating buddy?" "here." Logan said putting his ID too. They took their breakfasts and sat down. "so what you do yesterday?" since it was sunday patients can do whatever they wanted as long as they went to therapy. Logan usually was in his room hoping Camille would show up.

"oh nothing hung out with the Jennifers" the Jennifers were 3 girls of the same name that were always together. The darker one had anger issues, the brunette had dissociative identity disorder, and the blonde one had bipolar disorder. They all had bulimia too. "cool" Logan said beginning his cereal, looking up seeing Lucy only picking at her muffin.

"how about you? I heard you sundowned again." Lucy gave him a sympathetic look. "great. Must have flipped out worst then I thought if everyone knows." Logan put his head in his hands. "hey you know word spreads fast in this place." Lucy patted his back. "yea, It wasn't a big deal just a hallucination and some paranoia. You know? Schizo stuff." he shrugged trying to laugh it off. Lucy nodded her head in understand meant, not wanting to push the subject anymore. She knew schizophrenics can get very violent when they are paranoid. She doesn't want her friend to be sadated again.

"so what's on your schedule today?" Lucy asked moving on to her banana taking the smallest bites possible. "well I got Dr. Roque, then art, I meet up with you for lunch at 2 , then I'm helping Kelly in the library, nothing after that, then dinner with you." Lucy nodded with a look of disgust towards her yogurt. "Lucy eat. Come on." "I will but it's so much." she silently pleaded to stop with her eyes."ok take your time. but you need to eat" Logan encouraged her on.

"what about you? What you have to do today?" logan asked. she thought for a moment. "music after this, then , lunch, me and Jo are going to floor 6 see Kat and Heather, my brother is coming, then maybe dinner" she mumbled. "no... You are going to dinner" Logan corrected her. she rolled her eyes. "whatever." "sounds like you have a busy day today" "yea I promised Jo we would go with Kat and Heather for some karaoke down in the reck hall."

Jo and Lucy were completely different. Lucy was a hardcore rocker, Jo on the other hand,was as sweet they come. She had bipolar disorder so when she was in her manic phase she was perky and excited but then when she was in her depressed phase she was sad and moody, but some how she was still very nice. When she was depressed Kendall and James were constantly looking out for her because she had a tendency of self harming herself. Lucy and Jo got along though. Lucy helped Jo when she was depressed and Jo helped her eat more.

"sounds fun" Logan said finishing his food. He looked up as Lucy put the last spoon full of yogurt in her mouth. "good now the muffin" Logan said "UGGHHH" Lucy groaned loudly "why do you hate me so much?!" Logan laughed. "finish Lucy"

When Logan was on his way back to his room he saw James "hey i just want to say sorry again for yesterday." "it's ok, Logan but I have to say something" he paused and look a little nervous "after you help Kelly today you're mandated to your room" "why?" Logan ask confused seeing as he has never needed to be kept in his room. "they just don't want you to have another episode. So I'm bringing you your dinner and assigning someone else to Lucy. I'm also being assigned to stay with you tonight. I'm sorry" Logan stood froze for a moment 'he thinks I'm crazy too. Now I'm really alone.' "it's ok. It's not your fault." Logan looked at something behind James." I'm late for therapy. See you later." Logan said quickly as he made is was to his room to change.

Unaware to James Logan wasn't walking quickly because he was upset but instead because he saw Carlos at the front of his door.

* * *

A/N there's the second chapter.. Please review.. What do you think will happen?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: thanks to everyone onewho read it. I wish more of you reviewed though. I would really appreciate if you did**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR **

* * *

Chapter 3

Carlos waved to Logan. "Carlos?" "hey baby." Carlos greeted as Logan walked into his room. "I wanted to come with Katie yesterday but Dak started again." Carlos said as he walked across the room and stepping on his toes he lightly pecked Logan on his lips. Logan touched his lips as the sensation lingered.

"I didn't feel like having her come all the way out here alone but she really wanted to see you. I couldn't deprive her of that." he sat on the bed. "come here. I missed you" Carlos patted the spot next to him. Logan walked over and sat next to him. "so what's been going on?" Carlos asked putting his hand on Logan's knee

"nothing really..." Logan said staring ahead not really looking at Carlos. With worry in his voice Carlos asked "you seem tense? Is something wrong?" _'besides the fact that I'm pretty sure your not real_' Logan thought to himself "Katie said you got a new phone?" he quickly changed the subject "yea clumsy Jen knocked mine into the toilet. Look! It's purple!" he exclaimed showing of the vibrant case. "your favorite" Logan whispered. Carlos nodded happily. "anything else new?" Carlos put his finger to his chin and stared thoughtfully, making Logan chuckle. Logan had always loved when Carlos made his thinking face.

"oh, I almost forgot I got you this" he pulled out piece of paper from his pocket. When Logan looked at it, it was a photo of Carlos, Dak, Katie, and Jen. "I thought you would like it for your wall" logan smiled because everything on his wall was suppose to be real that meant Carlos was real. Now he had proof. "yea I love it." he kissed Carlos' cheek as he got some tape and put it right next to his picture of Camille and the twins."great!" Carlos bounced happily on the bed.

"I really have missed you." Carlos took Logan's hand in his own."I've missed you too." Logan smiled. "Lately has been worst since..." Carlos trailed off. Logan nodded his head. "yea. I really wanted to be there." it was almost Carlos and Logan's anniversary. And this was gonna be the third one with Logan at Palmwoods. "It's ok sweetheart. We can spend it together. I'll come with a picnic and we can eat it outside. I'll even make your favorite."Carlos gleamed

This made logan feel worse. "I wish it didn't have to be like this. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn't crazy. You know Katie actually asked me if I thought she was a lie?" logan said looking at his lap. Carlos took Logan by the chin and looked him in the eyes. "you are not crazy. You're sick and no matter what happens all that matters is that I love you and you love me. We can get through this." Logan nodded as tear escaped his eye and rolled down his cheek. Carlos wiped it away with his thumb.

Carlos checked his phone and got up. "Logan I have to go to Katie's game. Since I missed her last one for dak's championship game, I have to make it up to her." "ok tape it for me?" "of course" they both got up and headed for the door. Logan grabbed Carlos by the waist and kissed him as passionately as possible. When they pulled apart they looked into each others eyes. Neither of them wanting to let go. "bye" Logan said softly. "be back soon" Carlos said with a smile. Letting go he opened the door and headed down the hall.

_'Carlos must be real'_ Logan thought as he walked back into his room. _'there's no way you can have so much passion with something that's not there, right? And the picture? what ever is on the wall is real, thats what everyone tells me. So then Carlos is real. Everyone is lying to me. I am getting better, Camille has to be the one that is not real. I haven't seen or heard from her in a long time, I must be getting better!' _

Logan was staring at the pictures on the wall. He walked over to his wall and took down Camille's picture and put it in his night stand. He looked at his clock. "I'm late!" Logan changed quickly. Then ran through the hall to Dr. Roque's office.

"dog, you're late." Dr. Gustavo Roque had a tendency of calling guys dogs. No one took offense by it but no one questioned it either. He had a bit of a temper, like smoke could come out of his ears temper. The husky man in a suit and colored sunglasses, that he refused to remove, pointed to the seat across from him. "sit." logan did what was told sitting uncomfortably on the hard cushion of the chair.

"So you sundowned?" Logan nodded."I've been told that you were pretty freaked out. Saying we took Carlos' pictures" Logan nodded again. "so who came yesterday?" "K-Katie" Logan whispered. "your supposed daughter?" " no. She is my daughter. I love her." "Logan remember she's not real. They aren't real." "no I've figured it out everyone has it wrong." Roque raise one of his thick eyebrows " how so?" he leaned back in his chair.

"we'll no one has ever seen Camille or the twins. I haven't seen them since I got here. So I think they were my delusion and Carlos is real and now I'm better." "no one has seen Carlos either." " that's because no one around here pays attention" Logan snapped

"ok how about sign in? His name is never there." "I don't know maybe the system is flawed?" Logan looked at his hands. "ok how about phone calls he never calls?" "his phone broke recently and Carlos doesn't like phone calls. He's more of a face to face kinda guy. That's one of the reasons I love him. He has this energy that seems like it never stops. His smile alone can brighten up someone's day. It's gorgeous." Logan says dreamily.

"if you met him you would understand." " ok invite him here... Tomorrow maybe?" "oh...H-he can't Katie has a hockey game" Logan stuttered " I'm sure he can spare some time for you?" "oh no he really can't he has been working extra hours and I don't feel like bothering him..." Logan looked at everything that wasn't Dr. Roque.

"Logan... " logan snapped his head up at this, gustavo has never called him by his actual name. "are you sure you're not just making excuses because you are having doubts of Carlos' existence?" He questioned "no! I know he is real. I have this passion and love for him that a person can only have with a physical person. He has to be real! He is all I have. He has to be real, right?" at this point Logan was sobbing in to his hands.

"Logan I understand you want him to be real but he isn't." Dr. Roque said calmly. "you understand! You don't understand. Have you ever fallen in love with someone then have them turn their back on you, to leave you to suffer, not to speak or see you. Have you ever had someone who you love and loves you and then have everyone around you tell you they don't exist!" Logan got up and started to yell over the large man, who just shook his head in shock.

"no! Then don't say you understand because you don't understand anything! You don't know how I feel or think. You don't understand anything!" Logan's face became red with anger. "Logan sit down and calm down or you'll force me-" "force you to what?! Drug me? Knock me out?!"

James burst through the door. "Logan! What happen?!" "He is having a paranoid episode." "I am not! I'm not having an episode. I'm angry!" james goes to take syringe from his pocket. "wait!" Roque stops him.

"why? Why are you angry?" he asks Logan. "because -" Logan calms down and looks at his shoes. "I'm alone?" he says almost as if it were a question. "your alone? Does Carlos and the family come when your alone?" "yea. When I feel so alone. When I'm upset. They make me feel better, happier." "that's it. your mind makes your delusions come when your alone." "they arent delusions! They are real!" Logan practical whined. James snapped his head at Logan, because this morning Logan knew carlos was a delusion, he understood what was going on and now he thinks he's real. He made a mental note to keep an eye on Logan.

"Dog" Gustavo said writing something down. "I'm gonna change your medications this week just to see what happens. If anything I'll put you back on the other. Ok?" Logan only nodded. " can I go to art?" "yes you can go." Logan turned on his heel and made his way passed James to the door. "I'll go with you" James said.

When they reached Logan's room, so Logan can get his apron, James walked to Logan's wall. "logan? What's this?" "oh that's a picture of Carlos and the kids. I told you Carlos was a looker." Logan said happily. James looked at him then back at the wall. "what?"

* * *

**A/N: so there you go ch 3... I really want to know what you think? Do think Logan is crazy or do you think Carlos is real? Tell me in a review. Till next time. :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I want tothank those of you who did review it means so much. Thank you. **_ .Valenwind, LoveSparkle, bigtimerushbtrforlife, yaoi and kink lover 3000. _

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**

* * *

Chapter 4

"James?" Kendall called to his friend who seemed to be lost looking at Logan's wall."James?" he called again waving his hand in front of the boy. "huh.. Oh hey" James said absentminded. He turned and looked back at the wall.

"ok James. What's wrong with Logan now?" "he had another episode" Kendall nodded in confusion. He knew James hated when Logan had an episode but he never reacted like this. "ok? And why are you staring at his wall?" "that" James pointed to the photo he had been staring at since Logan left to art. "no way"

* * *

Logan was having an a lot of fun in art. He was painting a picture he had been working on for a really long time. He loved art and music the only places he can create anything and no one can say he was wrong. As he dipped his paint brush in the paint and dragging it across the canvas he felt a sense of relief. "wow Logan" he turned to see Heather.

Heather was completely stunning. She was a little taller than Logan with pale white skin and jet black hair. Heather actually was a world famous model before and with her looks it was no surprise. She was found in her hotel one day unconscious, turns out stardom was too much for her and she had began cutting. That night she ended up cutting a little to deep and cut a major vein, she almost bled to death. She's been here 2 and a half years.

Logan always found Heather as ,what he called, an interesting cutter. Where the others hid their scars, Heather showed hers off. She wore short sleeves and tank tops. She said she's not ashamed of them. That it showed what she's been through. She always got caught because of this, because when she did cut she would wear long sleeves and sweaters.

"do you like it?" he asked her. "it's beautiful" Logan's smile doubled in size. "thanks" he dragged the brush one last time before turning completely around. Heather was sitting on the table behind him working on some pottery."so how have you been, Heather?" "pretty good. Tomorrow is my 6th month scratch free, 6 more and I'm out of here." she said gesturing to her arms. The rule was if you can last one year without cutting you can leave, but you still need to stay in therapy. Heather never could last a year. "that's great keep it up." Logan said happily.

"how about you?" she asked in concerned tone. "I'm guessing you heard about my sun downing?" she just nodded. "I'm doing better. Well in my point of view." he laughed. She just chuckled, looking down at her, in progress, vase. "how did you learn to paint like that?"heather asked. "my mom. She loved it. She had always said 'Art frees the mind. It doesn't matter where you body or soul is, your mind can always be free' I never understood what she meant intill I came here." "she sounds amazing" Logan looked at the painting again. "she was"

"So you're going to karaoke later?" Logan asked in an effort to change the conversation. "yea it's gonna be great. I'm hoping it will cheer up Jo a bit." logan nodded. The rest of the time was spent like this, small chatter while working on their art projects.

When Logan was finished putting his supplies away it was 1:45. He went to his room to go lie down before lunch. When he got there he saw James and Kendall outside his room. "hey guys. What's going on?" they looked at him in a way that they never did before. They looked at him like he was crazy.

"Logan we need to talk to you." James said softly not wanting him to get nervous and have another episode. "ok?" Logan said trying to remain as calm as possible. They all walked in his room. Logan sat on his bed and looked at them patiently as they whispered. "so what going on?" he asked them.

James took a deep breathe and walked over to the picture."Logan who gave you this picture?" Logan chuckled "I already told you. Carlos did." James looked at Kendall. "logan? Who is this woman?" he pointed to Jen. "Jen?" Logan was beginning to get confused. "ok. How do you know her?" now Logan was really confused because James and Kendall already knew this story. "she is Dak and Katie's mom."

"what's her full name?" Kendall asked suddenly "um... Jennifer..." Logan was becoming very nervous. "Jennifer knight. Why?" Kendall and James' eyes widened. After a few minutes Kendall finally spoke "Logan. My name is Kendall knight. That's my mom." Logan stopped in shock.

"your jen's son. She never even mentioned it." Kendall shook his head and walked over to the bed. "Logan that's not my mom. The woman in the picture is but not the one you're talking about. My mom never put kids up for adoption." Logan began to shake his head quickly. "no. She lives with Carlos and the kids." "logan she lives downtown all by herself." "then I imagined your mom. How?"

"Logan remember where you worked before this?" James finally said. "yea. I worked at roque national hospital. Why?" Logan asked very confused know. "Logan my mom worked there. She knew you. You dont remember?" Logan shook his head. He stared at the floor trying to piece it all together. "but..." tears began to fall down his face and his breathing became rapid. "Logan!" james ran up to him. "Logan calm down. Breathe Logan. Breathe!" James began to yell and shaking Logan gently.

Logan took a few deep breathes and calmed himself down. "how?" was all he said. "well I called my mom and she said she had lunch with you everyday. That she was your only real friend there. She worked on a different floor then you but you guys talked everyday. She knew Camille and the twins. She said that you guys were having marital issues. Is that true?"

"I don't know. Why can't I remember any of this?" Logan looked up at both of them with wide. "I don't know Logan. We'll talk to Gustavo about it though" Logan nodded "how did I get it then?" "we think you found it. Kendall had lost it a couple days ago. You must have seen Carlos and thought he gave it to you" "what about Katie and Dak?" "they aren't real Logan" "but they are in the picture." "no they aren't" Kendall said as caring as he could. He knew logan must be confused, upset, but most of all destroyed.

"no! Now you're lying they are right there. There's my proof." Kendall gripped Logan's shoulder."Logan really look at the picture. Do you see them?" Logan looked at it as a tear fell down his face. "no" "wait. What about Carlos? I know so much about him. I love him." Kendall put an arm around Logan. "Carlos is real Logan..." "yes! I knew it I knew I wasn't crazy." Logan beamed.

"Logan wait" James grabbed Logan's shoulder. "let kendall finish." Logan looked at Kendall with nothing but hope in his eyes. "Carlos is my cousin. The thing is... You've only met him once. You don't live together. You aren't married. You don't have kids. Logan he barely even knows you."

Large tears filled Logan's eyes. "no..."

* * *

**A/N: there is chapter 4. Hope you enjoyed it? Leave me a review telling me if you liked it. How do you think Logan is gonna react? Till next time :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N thank you to the only person who reviewed ****_bigtimerushbtrforlife_****. I give you super love. I want to thank everyone who favorited and alerted to.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is related to BTRs show or music **

* * *

Chapter 5

"logan?" james said softly walking into his room. "Logan you have therapy." Logan just laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. "Logan come on." James sat at Logan's feet. "Dr. Roque already let two days slip he won't let a third. He doesn't want to force you but will if he has to. Logan please just get up and come with me."

Ever since Kendall and James told Logan the truth about the picture Logan refused to leave his room. He wouldn't leave to go to therapy, to music, the gym, any of his meals, not even art. Everyone came to his room to cheer him up. Kendall, James, Kelly, Lucy, and heather went to him. Jo even said he seemed depressed. Nothing worked, he just kept saying the same thing over and over again.

"what's the point, James?" James shook his head jumping off the bed. "that's it I love ya Logan. I love you like brother i really do, but this has got to stop. Damien! Trevor!" James called out the door and two large men in orderly uniforms came. " Can you guys take him to Gustavo?" they nodded and picked Logan off the bed carefully. " I'm sorry but you need to get better. Logan?" James looked into Logan's eyes and saw that they were dark and cold. All he could see was emptiness. It made James shudder in fear. "what's the point?" was all logan said before the men dragged him off.

"dog, how are you today?" Gustavo asked as the orderlies placed Logan in the chair. "dog? How are you?" Logan just stared forward like the large doctor wasn't even there. As if he was staring straight passed him. Gustavo shook the boy's cold stare off. "Look. Kendall told me what happened with the picture. You need to talk about this. We can figure out what happened."

"there's nothing to talk about. You all were right. I'm crazy thats it." Logan said calmly. Gustavo was actually taken a bit back by how calm he was being. "Logan you just found out that your whole second life was based of memories you can not recall. Something happen to you. Let me help you" he said trying to get some kind of emotion from the broken boy.

"so what? It doesn't matter I can't remember. Carlos doesn't know me. I really wanted it all to be real but it wasn't. Just like everything in my life, it's a disappointment." So what's the point?" Logan said finally taking his cold stare off the large man across the desk to the window. "the point is for you to get better, leave this place. You're 26 you have so much ahead of you. You can go live your life."

Then Logan suddenly started to laugh. The sharp laughter in the silence of the room made Gustavo jump a bit. "Live my life. You're right I am 26 and the last 8 years of my life has been a lie, a fabric of my messed up mind, I've missed out on most my life. what do I have to go back to?" Logan never looked away from the window.

"what about camille and your real family?" "Camille hates me. She caught me kissing some guy and was trying to divorce me. She was fighting for the kids. I came here and was deemed unfit to be around them." Logan's voice was calm but his words came out rushed. His eyes widened at what he was saying "Logan... Why didn't you mention this before?" "I- I didn't remember?" he snapped his head at Gustavo.

"why can I remember now?" Logan was practically pleading. "when Kendall told me about your memory problem, I came up with a theory. I believe that something traumatic happened to you and that your mind didnt want to handle it. Then it took fragments of your memories and used them in your delusion. Anything that didn't fit in your fantasy or caused any kind of remembrance was blocked from you." Gustavo paused to see if Logan was following him.

"The trauma must have fed your already present schizophrenia. That may be the reason you're not getting better, we have only been treating you for schizophrenia not trauma. Now that you have put a crack in your delusion you are beginning to recall your past." Dr. Roque explained slowly.

Logan looked at him in shock. He was not confused or misunderstanding at all, Logan was a doctor as well he understood what he was saying. Logan just didn't want to believe it. "so basically I'm more crazy then before. I'm like a true nut job." Logan breathed out . "No." Gustavo shook his head "this is a good thing. All we need to do is talk and find the route of your trauma." "no!" Logan got up. "no, we already established I'm crazy, loco, bonkers, insane! Why dig deeper? What ever it was it must have been bad or this wouldn't have happen." logan began to nervously pace. "Logan I know you must be scared but you need this. You know that, right?"

"I'm done." Logan walked to the door."dog what do you mean you're done?" "I can't do this. I'm going to my room, getting my things and leaving" "now you know you can't do that without my ok." "whatever! Just... Just leave me alone. No more sessions, no more talking. I just want to be alone. What ever is wrong with me I'm obviously not ready to deal with it."

With that Logan left the office and practically ran back to his room. James barely looked at him but saw the tears running down his face. James was about to run after him when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his chest, from behind him.

"don't. He needs his space. What ever happened was bad." Kendall said softly knowing James would want to go help. He knew logan didn't need that right now he needed to think. "but what if something happens?" James turned facing Kendall never leaving his hold.

"like what? He's already in a mental hospital?" James chuckled. " just let him be for awhile. He has a lot to deal with." James nodded squirming out of Kendall's arms, a blush crawled on his face "I'm... going to go check david" with that he left to check one of the male cutters.'I just wish I could understand better' was all he thought.

Line break

* * *

It's been three days since Logan's session. Yet again, he locked himself away. He really refused to talk now. He wouldn't speak, whistle, hum he wouldnt do anything but stare at his ceiling. If he wasn't mandated to eat he wouldn't. James had been taking Kendall's advice and was giving Logan space, but three days was too much."that's it I'm getting him to talk." James said to himself.

"hey Logan. Ready for lunch." Logan slowly sat up but never looked at James. James sat the lunch on the bed and grabbed the stool on the other side of the room and sat down. Logan began to eat and James sat and watched. "Logan just say something?" Logan just continued to eat unfazed. "please?" Logan never even looked at him.

"Logan I didn't want to tell you this but I heard that if you kept like this they are gonna send you to" James to a deep breath" t-to intensive care." Logan stopped for a moment after that, his eyes widen. Intensive care was were the 'unfixables' were kept. Patients who either refused care, like Logan, or the ones that were so broken they became a danger. "I don't want that Logan please say something, anything" Logan didn't move for a minute more and then started his lunch again."I wish I could help you." Giving up after that James just sat there in till Logan was done and took his tray.

Logan laid back down, putting his back to the door. He was thinking about everything. He didn't want to talk because then he would remember. He didn't know what it was that broke him but Logan knew that it must have been terrible if his own mind was hiding it from him. He must have been thinking like this for sometime because he heard someone come in. He assumed it was James checking on him, so he pretended to be asleep. Then he felt the person sit on his bed and started to poke his leg, not something James would do. Logan sat up and almost stopped breathing, his eyes widen at the person in front of him.

* * *

**A/N:there's is chapter 5. Who do you think came to see Logan? What do you think happened to him to make him forget? Tell me in a review. **

**I made a new tumblr and twitter. I'm planning on putting some pics to go to this story. The names are on my profile, if you want to follow. I'll follow back too. Till next time :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: sorry for such a long wait. I wanted to update last weekend but it was my birthday so I didn't really have time. On top of that I had terrible case of writer's block. I want to thank everyone who reviewed. You guys give me a reason to keep writing. **

**Disclaimer: only way I would own BTR would be kidnapping them .so no dont own them**

* * *

Chapter 6

"carlos" Logan breathed out. "hey" he said quietly. "no, not again."Logan began to shake his head as he sat up on his bed. "Logan whats wrong?" Carlos said reaching for his hand. Logan quickly moved it away from him. "don't! You're not real. I can't have you here." Logan covered his eyes with his hands. If he didn't look at him he would go away.

"oh Logan. Not this again." carlos moved closer to him putting his hands on his shoulders. "I am real. I'm not a delusion." Logan slowly uncovered his eyes "Y-you're real?" Carlos nodded with a half smile. Logan leaped from his spot giving his loving Latino a big hug that nearly sent them to the ground.

"Wait! I need someone to see you. I've been told that I need to confirm everyone I meet now." Logan got up grabbing Carlos' hand and dragged him to the hall. They almost immediately bumped into Kendall. Kendall turned around and a huge smile came across his face. "Logan! You came out of your room. That's great!" Logan nodded. He squeezed Carlos' hand hoping Kendall would say something.

After a few moments of awkward silence Carlos finally spoke. "I think he wants you to say you can see me" "oh! I'm sorry Logan I forgot." Kendall gave Carlos a big hug. "hey Litos how are the kids?" "their have you and James been?" "He's been good, he had off today so he stood home to rest?" Carlos nodded. Logan just stood there happy Carlos was real. "thanks Kendall."

Logan turned back to Carlos. "I'm really happy you're here, and you know, not a figment of my imagination." Logan laughed holding Carlos' hand tighter. "Logan I came to tell you something." Carlos said looking at the ground. "ok, but I want to show you something first."

Logan dragged Carlos down the hall to the elevator. After Logan swiped his ID ,which unlocked the button for him, he hit the button and waited with a huge grin on his face. "Logan I really want to talk to you." Carlos said as serious as he possibily could. "ok babe but I really want to show you this." Logan said excitedly as the elevator finally came. Carlos sighed. "ok."

They went inside and Logan hit the bottom floor button. After a few moments the doors opened again. Logan practically took Carlos' arm off from how hard he was yanking at it. "Logan calm down before I lose my arm. You're really hurting me. Logan please slow down." Carlos begged and pleaded.

"We're here." Logan swiped into the art room and opened the door. Carlos took his arm protectively afraid Logan would begin to yank it again. Logan slowly walked across the room towards the windows. He stopped in front of a canvas. "I made this for you" he turned the canvas toward Carlos.

He couldnt breath for a moment. The painting was very simple, nothing very fancy but you can tell all love that went into it. The painting was of two figures, you couldnt really tell gender but Carlos knew. One of the figures was slightly taller then the other and was looking down at the shorter. That figure was looking up at the other. The taller figure was blue and the shorter was red, theirs hands which were joined together were purple. The blue one had a light but still very noticeable zigzag line on its head. It all came together with a beautiful solid black background.

Carlos was almost in tears. "Logan... It's beautiful." Logan's grin couldn't possibly be any bigger. "oh! I'm so happy you like it. See" he began to point at different parts of it "the blue one is me and the red one is you. Your red because you're energetic, passionate and loving. I'm blue because well... It just matches me. Here is we're forever joined" he pointed to the hands. " as purple"

"what about this?" Carlos pointed at mark on the blue figure. "oh that's where im broken, but you still love me" he took Carlos' hand gently. He leaned down to kiss his beautiful man. "Logan wait. We really need to talk." Carlos said as Logan lips were less than an inch away. "ok... What's up?"Logan said walking across the room to one of the chairs.

Carlos just stood next to him. "um... I- I don't know how to say this..." he began to stutter and shake nervously. Logan got up to comfort him but Carlos just backed away. "Carlos, baby what's wrong? Is it the kids? Did something happen?". Carlos just stood there shaking his head. "no the kids are fine. I- I've met someone new. I'm leaving you."

Logan felt like someone took a knife and stabbed him in the heart by the words Carlos was saying. He felt the whole floor be pulled from under him and him fall into a bottomless pit. "no please. Carlos... please " Logan began to cry and beg for his only love not to leave.

"it's too late Logan. I've meet someone and he loves me and he's there for us. You've been here for 3 years Logan. That's 3 anniversaries, 3 of each of your children's birthdays, you're gonna miss dak's graduation, you've missed all of their games. Do you realize how much they miss you? how much I missed you? You can't really expect us to wait for you. To stop our whole lives. I can't let the kids and myself suffer through that. I'm sorry Logan. I will always love you but i can't wait forever."

Carlos had tears in his eyes as he moved closer to Logan. "I'm so sorry Logan" he reached for Logan hand. "don't." logan whispered backing away "you lied to me" tears streaming silver lines down his pale face. Carlos had a face of confusion. "how did I lie?" "you lied every time you said you loved me. I gave you my heart and you took it knowing how hard it was for me. How hard it was to open up. To be so vulnerable, you knew how scared I was."

Logan was hiccuping between words. "then you used that to shatter my heart into a million pieces. Then to make it worst you think 'I'm sorry' can fix it." Carlos looked down at his shoes unable to look into the eyes of the man his was breaking."I actually wish you were a delusion, maybe this would hurt less. At least look at me. Look at me while you destroy my heart." Logan said with so much anger and venom but also with much sadness.

When Carlos looked up the floor tilted under him. He had never seen anyone this hurt since he explained Logan's illness to katie. If anyone could put a photo to heartbreak it would be Logan at this moment. All those emotions quickly left his face a turned into pure anger as if his sadness had left him. "now leave, you liar." Logan's words were drench with venom. It stung Carlos' heart so much but he turned around and left the art room.

Logan stood there for a moment before slowly sitting in a chair. His tears no longer being able to be contained. "liar...liar...liar" was all he continue to mumble. About twenty minutes later "hey Logan! I just saw. Carlos leave crying. Is everything ok?" Kendall said walking in. "Logan!" Kendall had walked in on Logan with a shard from one of clay pots in his hand. Logan was laying by his painting, which was slashed between the two figures, his left wrist cover in blood. He was barely conscious.

* * *

"Logan?" Logan could hear something in the distance but couldn't focus on it. "Logan? Can you hear me? Please wake up." Logan began to slowly open his eyes. The light momentarily blinded him."ugh" he groaned trying to sit up, but feeling to weak to move he ended up falling back on the bed. "logan!" then Logan felt someone hugging his arms. He looked down to see a very familiar head of black ruffled hair on his chest.

"Carlos?" "yes. Oh Logan why would you do that?" Carlos asked sitting back in the chair by logans bed. His eyes were red and puffy. Logan looked down at his wrists. The right looked so small in comparison to the bulky bandaged left. "why are you here?" he whispered. "you left me." "logan I know but that doesn't mean I don't care for you." Carlos had so much pain and hurt in his voice. "actually that's exactly what that means Carlos" venom and pain laced in his words. "Logan you are still the father of my children. I still love you."

Logan looked at Carlos in shock. "you can't do this Carlos" "do what?" "say you are leaving to then say you still love me. It's just cruel. You have to make a choice stay in that seat and be with me forever or get up and leave, never come back." "Logan?" "Choose." Carlos looked in his lap, his mind and heart battling his choices. He looked up making his choice. He saw Logan had paled badly, his eyes were drooping shut. "i don't feel well." darkness crept in his vision taking over quickly, eyes had shut.

* * *

"Logan! Logan! Logan get up!" Logan opened his eyes "Kendall?" "hey buddy came to check on you for James and found you alseep, when I checked again you were crying in your sleep. What were you dreaming?" Logan looked at his wrist both perfectly normal. "Kendall has - has Carlos come?" he asked slowly. "Logan you know real Carlos doesn't actually come here." he said patting Logan shoulder.

"it was all a dream?" Logan whispered to himself.

* * *

**A/N: Ok so please dont hate me for this. Writing in dreams is sorta my thing. I might write one more but I don't want to confuse you guys any more. What do you guys think happened to the real Carlos? And would you guys like to get to know Dak? Like always please review.**

**Till next time :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N so ive been working on this all week. It all I could really do when my power went out. I hope anyone affected by hurricane sandy is ok. I want to thank all the reviews, alerts, and favs. Hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any character from BTR.**

* * *

Chapter 7

Logan just sat on his bed looking at his hands, wondering how a dream can be so immensely heart breaking and disturbing. **_'I tried to kill myself? Because Carlos left me?'_** "it was a dream?" he said in a whisper.

"what was a dream?" Kendall asked. He has been very worried for Logan, a person his age shouldn't be dealing with everything he has to. Another break and logan would go to intensive care and he didn't belong there.

**_'I can't tell him. They are gonna lock me up for good'_** "um... Nothing" Logan looked to the floor.

"it's ok. If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. How about some breakfast?" Kendall didnt want to push Logan. It was the first time he spoke in a week.

"Breakfast?! What happen to dinner?"

" Dude you slept through it. You're lucky your meds are in the morning" Kendall chuckled at Logan wide eyed expression

"what? Why didn't anyone wake me up?"

"why? You were peaceful, plus Roque said you may need a lot of rest."

Logan just nodded. " Breakfast sound perfect then."

"I'll be back with your tray " Kendall walked out the door.

**_'Thats it I'm gonna fix my mind. I'm gonna work this out, gonna get out of here, gonna figure out what happened to me. Starting today I'm not gonna be crazy. I'm gonna-'_**

Logan was snapped out of his thoughts by Kendall walking in. "Hope you're ready for waffles" he said with a grin. He put the tray on the bed and grabbed the stool and sat down.

" Kendall you think I can go downstairs later for lunch?" Logan had wanted to go all week but the thought of other people made him nervous. He didn't know why.

"sure Loges. I'll see if I can get you an eating buddy. Maybe David?" he watched as Logan began his bowl of strawberries and sugar.

"David? He has bipolar disorder not an eating disorder, why would he need an eating buddy?"

"um he doesn't need one. You do, they've classified you as it since you were refusing to eat." Kendall said just nodded and looked down at his food. "give me heather then. I know her better." Kendall was hoping Logan wouldn't shut them out again.

After ten minutes of awkward silence "Is everything ok?" Logan asked looking at Kendall confused. He was practically bouncing in his seat. Anyone could tell Kendall had something on his mind.

"umm.. I've wanted to ask you something all week but you weren't talking and now you are but I don't want you to go back to not talking. I really don't want to push you. In fact forget it because I know it'll upset you and I dont want you to go to intensive care and-"

"Kendall stop! Breath. Ask me the question. I promise I'll answer and won't be upset. Just take a breathe please" logan chuckled at Kendall's red face due to nervousness and lack of air.

Kendall nodded and took a long deep breath. "ok." he looked up at logan with an intense face. "Logan I just want to know... Why carlos? Why did you pick Carlos for your delusion, if you only met once?"

"honestly... I don't know. I feel as if I've known him all my life. I love him with my whole heart, even though you all tell me we barely spoke. In my mind I know everything about him and I don't know why." Logan said sadly.

"Well do you know how you two met? Maybe it can help figure out why you attached to him."

"I remember how I think we met. Can you tell me? Maybe I'm wrong."

" I asked my mom she told me everything. She says you wouldn't stop talking about him took her sometime to find out it was my cousin, not intill the day she showed you a picture of him on instagram. She said that you were a med student working ER and Carlos came in." Logan's eyes were trained on Kendall his food long forgotten. "Carlos had came in with a broken arm. He had broken it saving a cat from a tree. He was a firefighter in training at the time. She says you thought that you guys really hit it off. Maybe you just couldn't let go?"

"maybe..." logan said in a whisper. "the funny thing is ... that is exactly how I remember meeting my Carlos. I remember him having this big smile on his face even though he had just broke his ulna. He had said it was worth it to save the cat. God! He had such a big heart. He had told me that he always wore a helmet as a kid and even into his teenage years, everyone had told him he would go into something where his helmet was the most important thing and that's why his becoming a fireman. I laughed and said_ 'well to bad it didn't protect your arm.'_ He laughed with me." Logan was lost in the memory. Kendall snapped him out of it quickly.

"well little by little we will figure out what happened and put an end your delusions." he said giving him a comforting pat on the arm.

Logan nodded then snapped his head up. "I have an idea! Can you bring Carlos to me? Maybe if I spoke to him I can remember or at least he can put some things in prospective for me."

"that's a good idea. I'll try to get in touch with him. He moved to Florida and I haven't spoke to him in 2 years so I'll try my best."

"thank you Kendall!" Logan bounced a bit in excitment not only will he meet the man he spent half he life with, this might also be his first step to normalcy. He needed some kind of normalcy in his life.

"Logan I've been thinking about some thing else and I want your opinion."

" ok. You can ask me anything ken."

"um... Ive been thinking about something and I don't know how to approach it. I-I've been thinking of asking... J-James out."

"that's great. What do you mean you don't know how to approach it?"

"well he is always so worried about you and I think he doesn't see me in that way. All I really want is for him to be happy and get away for this place for a bit. He is always here. He takes extra hours, he barely goes home. The only reason I'm here is because I forced him to go home. I just want him to be happy." Kendal was practically in tears.

"then make him happy. Go up to him tell him how you feel. I want you to take him away from he every single chance you get because I don't want him to became a resident." Kendall laughed a little stopping his crying. " he deserves someone as amazing as you."

"thank you Logan" Kendall got up and hugged Logan. "um.. I have to make rounds so I'll go see if I can have someone come and watch you, ok?"

"ok go and work." Kendall got up and began to make his way out. "and Kendall if you ever need to talk I'm here."

"thanks loges." with that he left.

Logan turned back to his breakfast. He ate happily in silence. About ten minutes had pasted and Logan had finished his food, no one came. "I guess Kendall forgot to get someone. Oh well?" he shrugged. He reached over to his nightstand and grabbed is book. He moved the tray and laid back.

There was a knocking at his door about five minutes later. "come in." Logan said sitting up and grabbing the tray never looking up. "I already finished so you don't have to stay with me but-" logan stopped in his track too in shock to move.

"hi Logan" Camille said with a nervous smile "umm I came to visit andI talked to the blonde orderly with the eyebrows and he said that needs to make sure you eat so he let me come."Logan nodded sitting back down on his bed, still not saying anything. Camille sat in the stool Kendall was in before. "you look ... Well." she said awkwardly. Silence quickly took over the room.

"um.. So why do you need to be watched?"

"I don't really want to talk to you about that." he said harshly. He looked at her seeing she caught the tone. The hurt very present on her face. "I'm happy to see you. I really am-" His tone softer then before. "- but why are you here, Camille? It's been three years."

"I understand that you may be confused. It been 3 years. Oh my god it's been three years! You have all right to be harsh with me and all right to question me. After all-"

Logan could tell she wad getting nervous and beginning to ramble "Camille just take a breath and tell me why your here.

Camille took a long breath."ok...well Lora and Matt are getting big and I want them to get to know you. So I came to see how you were doing and clear everything between us before bringing them."

"ok, so you want to make sure I won't go crazy and hurt them-" Logan said calmly.

"oh geez logan! I didn't mean it like that. I just meant-"

"no. It's ok." Logan held up his hands to calm her down. "you are right to do that last time you saw me, I was doing pretty bad. I'm not doing as bad but I'm not better either" Camille nodded to show she understood. " so what do you want to talk about?"

* * *

**A/N I wanted a l little more Kendall/Logan interaction. Kendall is very connected to Logan now. I also wanted to explain Logan and Carlos' relationship. There will be more. So what do you think Camille has to say? Do you want to see some more kames too? **

**Till next time :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N. super big apologies for not updating in so long. I don't really have an excuse I just haven't had the want to write. But I swore to myself I would put something up on the 1st and that what I did. So Happy New Year to everyone, everywhere I hope 2013 is your year. **

**Disclaimer: i don't own BTR or any of the characters.**

* * *

Chapter 8

Kendall walked out of Logan's room. " Logan's right I need to take him from here. Tonight I'll tell him how I feel." Kendall started walking towards heather's room. He took his cell out

hey hows ur day off? ~ ken

Hi. It's cool. How is Logan? ~ JD

Hes ok. Wanna hang tonight? ~ ken

Yea! Come over after your shift ~ JD

K. See ya :D ~ ken

"excuse me. Do you work here?" Kendall heard a woman ask him.

"yes I work here. How can I help you?" he looked up from his phone. He eyes went as wide as a dinner plates. "Camille?" she looked surprise.

" Do I know you? Have we went some where?"

Kendall shook his head "are you looking for Logan?"

"oh you now Logan? Is that how you know me? Does hit talk about me?"

"sorta. Your picture is on his wall of things that are real. It's to help him stay in reality. I'm one of the orderlies that help him."

"oh ok. That makes sense. Is there anyway I can see him?"

" are you here to speak to him? Or just vent your aggression on him? Because if that's the case then you can't see him. He has been through a lot and you attacking could cause a break. He's very fragile and his ex wife who left him to rot in a mental facility for 3 years coming to yell wont help, at all. Kendall spoke serious and angrily. Although he cared for Logan very much, all he was thinking was James and how angry he would be at Camille, which in turn made Kendall angry. He looked down at his phone checking the time. ' it's almost sunset. I can't let her very long anyway in case Logan sundowns today'

"I see you care very much about him, but I'm to here to do that. You must know of our children, Lora and Matt? Well I haven't brought them here in fear logan may do something rash and don't want them to witness that. They know of him but think he is sick and lives in a special place, which isn't so much of a lie. I came to see him so I can bring them. They want to help their daddy to get better." Camille had a few tears fall down her face. Kendall could tell she was speaking the truth.

"I'll take you to him. People with Logan's condition can not have visitors passed sunset or be alone but seeing as you may need the privacy I'll let you be alone but only for an hour. You must leave before sunset. Understand?" Camille nodded. "ok. He is eating now and seeing as he has to be watched. You need to make sure he eats it all."

"ok?" she was unsure why that was needed. She also felt a bit uncomfortable with the amount of rules Logan needed fearing he was as bad as she had thought. She wiped her face as they reached a door.

"ok we're here. One hour." he warned. She nodded rapidly and moved to open the door. Kendall walked down the hall to check on Jo and heather. He had seen Heather with long sleeves which meant he would have check her.

* * *

Kendall had just finished his rounds. Jo was a little less depressed today when he saw her in art class, he was glad to see that. Heather hadnt Cut herself but was just really cold. Kendall was relieved she had been doing so well and it would be a shame for her to be here another year. He looked at his phone "fifteen minutes till Camille leaves, guess I could relax in the staff room." he said to himself right before his phone vibrated in his hand and James' name passed the screen. .

"hey James." Kendall smiled

"hey Kendall. Are you on break yet?" James said

"yea. What's up?"

"well I came over to do something and I thought we could eat on your break?"

"yea! I-I mean... Um... Sure..."

"ok come down to the cafe" James laughed.

"ok see ya" Kendall hung up with a smile he wanted to do his little happy dance but all his coworkers were around. So he decided to just smile as he made his way to the elevator to go meet James. **'ok so I'm gonna ask him out today. I'm gonna tell him I really like him. I'm gonna make him happy and take him away from here. We are gonna go out and fun.**' Kendall kept his little pep talk up in till he reached the cafe. "hey James" he said seeing James outside the cafe.

"hey. Want some pizza?" he said asked making his way inside.

"hey of course. Do you even know me?" Kendall joked.

"ham and pineapple it is then. You go find us a seat." Kendall nodded and made his way through the tables filled with orderlies, doctors, patients and families. He found a spare table by a window. He sat down and waited for James to come back, his leg bouncing with nerves. **'I wonder if he feels the same as me. I like you so much James. Do like me too?'** James came back with a tray with 2 slices of pizza and 2 sodas.

"one ham and pineapple for you with a sprite. One veggie delight and for me."

Kendall scrunched his noise at the look of James' pizza. "yuck. How can you eat that with all those vegetables?"

"coming from the guy who likes a fruit on his pizza."james retorted without even looking up at Kendall.

"you got me there." Kendall chirped taking his first swallowing Kendall looked at james . "James I need to-"

"so anything new with logan?" James cut in as if he didn't even hear Kendall. Kendall's smile quickly dropped into a hurt frown.

"Logan? Right. Of course thats the reason for this little lunch. You didn't want to hang out with me you wanted a status report on him." Kendall said irritated

"kendall calm down. Thats not it."

"what's with you and this guy anyway? Do you like him? Is that the reason you apparently only care for him?" Kendall was getting very angry at the thought of this.

"Kendall thats not it. I don't like Logan. I have my reason why I am the way i am with him. Ok?"

"what would those be? Please tell me because I'm tired of seeing the guy like chasing after a mental patient."

"I'm not chasing after a mental patient and don't all him that."

"are you serious james?! He is in a mental institution and I just told you that I like you and you are still focused on him." Kendall all but screamed.

"you like me?" James said in a whisper.

Kendall nodded."I do but it's obvious you like him more. I'm gonna go back." Kendall stood from the table leaving most of his food still on the plate."Camille came to visit Logan its about time she left."

"what?! What if she flips on him? Or what if he sundowns?"

"the mere mention of his name and I'm forgotten. I thought the reason you cared so much was because of your compassion. That's obviously not it and I'm not planning on getting hurt because of it." Kendall turn around a started to the door, hurt written on his face.

"Kendall! Logan's my brother!" Kendall froze in his shoes.

"what?" James nodded.

"step-brother but still my brother. That's why I care so much for him. It's not that I like him. Can you come over here so I can explain it to you?" Kendall went back and sat back down in his seat eyes never leaving james."Logan's mom married my dad a few years before he came here. We both had our own lives so we never really talked. We only saw each other the day of the wedding, after that Logan went back to school and I never saw him again. Logan thought I was this big model traveling europe when I actually worked here. I lied to him since he was gonna be this great doctor and all." James chuckles at the memory. "When he was diagnosed and sent here his mom begged me to get him on my floor so I can watch him. You ever wondered why he wasn't with the other schizophrenics? Dr. Roque had no problem with him here thinking my presents might help him, but then we found out he couldn't remember me we left it only afraid he might break further. He needs to remember on his own. The reason why I keep such a close eye on him is because I talk to his mom every week and tell her how he has been. I'm suppose to call her tonight, she is really worried since he stopped talking."

Kendall stared dumbfound "Logan's your brother?" James nodded "and I'm an idiot" James laughed

"no your not. There's no way you could have guessed."

"yes I am! I guess confessed to you because I was jealous of you brother." Kendall hid his face in his hands.

"something good did come from this."

"what?" Kendall muffed through his hands

"at least I know you like me too" Kendall head looked up at James.

"you like me?" James nodded a hugh smile on his face. "then do you want to go-" Kendall's pager went off. He looked at it eyes widening.

"what's wrong?" James asked fear in his voice.

"something's going on, on the floor" they both got up quickly running to the floor. When they got there they saw Camille looking worried. "what happen?" Kendall asked.

"we were talking fine and then just told me I had to leave. That it wasn't safe. I left and then I heard a big crash." James looked at Kendall. They both walked to Logan's room slowly opening the door. Logan was standing in the middle of the room with his back was to them, his arms where wrapped around nothing as if he were hugging the air.

"Logan?" James asked timidly.

"it's ok. It's ok. I'm sorry Dak. Daddy didn't mean it. Daddy didn't mean it" was all Logan said.

* * *

**A/N. so he is the chapter I know it's not great and very short. I'm sorry for that too. Maybe some great reviews will help me out. Question: what do you think Logan and Camille talked about? And what did Dak say? **

**Till next time :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long long long time. I had started college and had some issues at home, but i wrote this for you all. I really hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer I own nothing.**

* * *

Chapter 9

"Oh geez Logan! I didn't mean it like that. I just meant-"

"No. It's ok." Logan held up his hands to calm her down. "You are right to do that. Last time you saw me, I was doing pretty bad. I'm not doing as bad but I'm not better either" Camille nodded to show she understood. "So what do you want to talk about?" Logan said reaching his hand out to the stool Kendall had just occupied.

Camille slowly sat down. She looked down into her lap, folding her hands in it, she wasn't completely sure what to say at this point. She had prepared so many things to tell him on her way there. She wanted to tell him how the twins where doing.

She wanted him to know that Lora took after him and was so smart. That, Matt, was a little athlete already but was as dramatic like his mother. She wanted to talk about her new job at the local theater and the play she was in.

She wanted to hell at him for leaving all that. She wanted to know why that wasn't enough for Logan. But the moment he looked up from that book it all disappeared and all that was left was confusion.

"I'm confused" she said out loud without really thinking. Logan looked at her worry written on his face.

"Confused? About what?" Logan said settling his hand on hers. Camille began to relax a bit. She a little breathe before looking up and facing Logan.

"You." She nearly whispered looking him in the eye. She looked as if she was searching for something. "You confuse me, Logan. When I came in here and you looked up from that book you looked so much like you did before. You look exactly the same as when you would read the paper in the morning as you waited for me to come down with the kids." Camille smiled a bit at the memory but then it vanished as she looked deeper into Logan's eyes. She pulled her hands away from him. " But now you've changed. You're different. Almost as if something in you is missing. As if it died."

After those last words a thick tension filled the room. Both people keeping a safe distance from one another, wondering what other was thinking. Camille was afraid she was write something in Logan was gone and that he would take her words wrong and fly off the handle. Logan worried Camille could see how broken he really was and would decide to never let him see their children. The room grew more and more awkward with each passing moment.

"I think you're right." Logan said "I have changed I'm no longer the man you fell in love with because that man was someone I pretended to be and I'm very sorry for that. The man right here" Logan took her hand again. "This man right here. He is the man I am now. I am trying to get better for Lora and Matt but right now I want to get better for myself." Camille had tears rushing down her face. "Believe me that other family are not real and I know they aren't. I know now they are all just lies."

"You promised never to call us that, Dad." Logan turned his head to the door. There stood Dak eyes hurt and angry. "So all these nights we've spent worried about you was a lie. All the nights Papi and Katie cried themselves to sleep missing you. I guess they were all lies?"

"Camille…" Logan slowly stood up. Camille looked at him confused and worried. "I need you to leave. It's not safe for you to be here."

"What? Logan what's going on?" She stood up next to him.

"Don't question me and go." He said sternly. She nodded and left.

"Is that what you want? To forget us? Papi told me to come that you finally believed in us and you don't." Dak rolled his eyes and started to turn towards the door.

"NO!" Logan quickly grabbed Dak."I don't want that. I love you guys. I just said that so I could see Lora and Matt."

"Why?" Dak turned to Logan even angrier now. "Why do you need to see them?" He walked towards Logan as Logan back up afraid of what Dak may do. "Can't I and Katie be enough for you!?" Dak pushed Logan into the nightstand the tray from Logan breakfast crashing onto the floor. Silence quickly took over the room as tears slowly began to fall down Dak's cheeks. He wiped his face and turned away from Logan.

"I'm sorry I made you feel this way but Lora and Matt are my kids too. I love you, Katie, and Papi but I love them too." Logan walked towards Dak. He wrapped his arms around him. Dak began to sob into Logan's chest. "It's ok. It's ok. I'm sorry Dak. Daddy didn't mean it. Daddy didn't mean it" was all Logan said not hearing the door behind him.

"Logan?" He turned to see James and Kendall standing there with worried expressions.

"Hey your guys I want you to meet someone. This Dak." He moved aside so they could see him. Their worried expression mixed quickly into confusion.

"Logan…" Kendall moved slowly towards him. "… Buddy I know seeing Camille again may have brought up some emotions but remember…" He points to Logan's wall. "… What's real? Dak's not real. You are supposed to be getting better."

Logan shakes his head. "Yes he is. He is right here."

"No he's not Logan." James says from the door frame.

"Dad? Why is uncle James saying that? Why are they trying to get you to forget us? Make them stop." Dak looked up at logan pleading.

"Uncle James? Why did he call you that James? How do you know Dak?"

" I don't know him because he is not real. But it looks like you are starting to remember and if you let go of Dak and calm down I'll tell you everything."

"Dad don't listn to him. Please…"

"Iwont let him go." Logan held Dak closer.

"Then I have no choice." Kendall said.

Logan felt a prick in his arm before the room tipped.

"DAD!"

* * *

**Next morning**

Logan his eyes groaning at his headache.

"Hey" he heard from the side of him he turned his head to see James sitting with a glass of water.

"Not again." Logan covered his face with his hand. "How bad was I this time?"

"So I'm guessing you don't remember." Logan shook his head "what do you remember then?"

"I remember talking with Kendall… him leaving… then Camille Came and we talked a bit… and then… Dak…" Logan practically whispered the last part. …"then nothing after I told Camille to leave."

"Well it wasn't that bad." James decided to leave out the part where Logan almost remembered him. He still needed time. "Roque decided not to send you intensive care, but you are on 24 hour watch for a while." Logan nodded.

* * *

**One month later**

Logan was reading his favorite book when Kendall walked in. Logan had been doing a lot better since the whole Dak problem. He was finally getting back on track.

"Hey buddy. I got some good news. Since you've been doing so great you've been allowed visitors again." Kendall said excitingly.

"That's great! Now if I only had any" sarcasm dripping every word never looking up from his book.

"Ahh! But I have a surprise"

"Kendall! Why would you bring me here you know I hate this kind of stuff." As soon as Logan heard the voice he knew who it was. He looked up to the doorway.

"Carlos?"

* * *

**A/N So there you are. I finally gave you some Dak and Carlos. Tell me what you think? How do you think Carlos is gonna react to seeing Logan? and do you think this is real?**

**Till next time :)**


End file.
